Have you ever had a //big// secret?
Something you felt you //had// to talk about, but knew that you absolutely could ''not''.
I had a secret I was holding onto.
It was like a big weight that I was carrying around. One I never asked for!
I wanted rid of it. I wanted to tell her all about it and just be done with it.
... but I knew I couldn't.
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(css: "font-size: 150%;")[''Prologue 5'']
''Samar's Secret''
[[Continue->Continue0-00]] "I'm sorry, but I'm a little unclear", Kim replies. "What secret? And to whom are you referring?"
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[[Continue->Continue1-01]]"Right, right, of course.. No need to be sorry, that's my fault", Samar replies.
"I'm jumping ahead... I should just let you take the lead", he suggests. "What's the best place to begin?"
"Let's go back to the original reason that brought you here", Kim suggests. "Why did you come to see me for counseling?"
"Oh geez..", Samar says with a sigh of stress. "Let's see..."
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[[Continue->Continue2-00]]My life used to be so much more simple.
Just me and the chess board. All I had to think about was the next peice to move.
I was happy.
It's easy to be happy when you're winning. When it came to chess, I won my fair share.
I'll let you in on a little secret though -- I'm not as good as everyone thinks. People know me from the tournaments I won, or articles they've read about me. They forget the ones I've lost.
The students here, ninety-nine percent of them don't even follow chess! They've never seen a full match in their lives. Yet they think I'm some master-mind because of what they heard their friends say about me.
Did I used to want more for myself? Yes of course I did. I wanted to be popular. To have more attention.
Not like this though... it's too much.
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[[Continue->Continue1-02]]"Too much of what, Samar?", Kim asks.
"Too much emotion... not from me, but from other people", Samar explains.
"Doesn't that affect your own emotion?", Kim says.
"Well, yes... You're right, I guess that's the root of it", Samar agrees. "I just don't like all of the drama that surrounds me now"
"It's not even things that are about me.. I just seem to end up involved and it stresses me out", Samar explains.
"Can you give some examples of things that you're finding stressful?", Kim asks.
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[[Continue->Continue1-03]]"Asako", Samar replies.
"What?", a puzzled Kim replies. "I mean, umm, can you expand on that?"
"Asako is a friend of mine", Samar explains. "Bad joke, sorry".
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[[Continue->Continue3-00]]"Come on you guys!!!", Asako shouts. "You have aaallll weekend to do that!"
"Let's have some fun!", she shouts, while jumping up and down on the bed.
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[[Continue->Continue3-01]]"Asako, can you please stop jumping on the bed?", Samar asks politely.
"Yeah, and if you're going to jump on a bed, can you at least do it on //yours// instead of mine?", Maika suggests.
"Why?", Asako asks with a grin. "You want me to jump on mine so you can jump on yours? I can make room for you here!"
"No, Asako...", Maika replies with a sigh.
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[[Continue->Continue3-02]]Asako hops off the bed and prances over to the computer.
"You know, I thought you two would become more ''fun'' in college, but it seems like you've only become more ''boring''", Asako teases, as she sneaks between them and props herself on the desk.
"Asako! You're sitting on the keyboard!!!", Samar shouts.
"Asako!!! Off of the keyboard please!", Maika shouts.
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[[Continue->Continue3-03]]"You're messing up our work", Samar says.
Asako prances away, feigning an innocent, "oops".
"Well, since Asako won't let us do any homework, maybe we //should// actually have some fun?", Maika suggests.
"Yeah, I suppose we could use a break", Samar agrees.
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[[Continue->Continue3-04]]"Well, Asako... you've got our attention", Maika says. "What's next?"
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[[Continue->Continue3-05]]"To the rec room!", Asako declared.
"You know, Asako.. that's not such a terrible idea", Samar admits.
"Yeah, that'll be fun", Maika agrees.
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[[Continue->Continue4-00]]"I'll just watch you two play", Samar insisted.
"No, no, no", Asako and Maika said in unison.
"I'm fine to just watch, I swear", Samar repeated.
"//You// are definitely playing first", Asako declared.
"She's right, you always do this", Maika agreed. "It's like you're afraid to have fun"
"One minute you're watching, the next minute you'll be on your phone checking homework or sneaking away to study", Maika continues.
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[[Continue->Continue4-01]]"You're not getting out of this one, mister, so just choose who you're playing against first", Maika states.
"Well, since Maika is a //traitor// and is now agreeing with Asako against me, then I think that means I'll just have to beat her first", Samar says with a devious grin.
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[[Continue->Continue4-02]]"Alright buster, but don't be surprised when I beat you", Maika teases.
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[[Continue->Continue4-03]]"Come on Maika, have you ''ever'' beaten me at ping pong?", Samar challenges. "Even won a single round?"
"Have you ever finished a game against me?", Maika replies. "You always leave to go do something else"
"This time I'll beat you, right Asako?", Maika asks her friend.
"Yup!", Asako chirps.
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[[Continue->Continue4-04]]Maika serves up a shot that //whizzes// right past Samar, earning her a point.
She grins.
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[[Continue->Continue4-05]]"Look out Samar, she's really gonna beat you this time", Asako jeers.
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[[Continue->Continue4-06]]Another power shot from Maika flies right past Samar, scoring another point in her favour.
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[[Continue->Continue4-07]]Maika rains down shot after shot on poor Samar.
"Hey Asako, it's no wonder he only likes to watch, isn't it?", Maika says with a sinister giggle.
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[[Continue->Continue4-08]]"Oh, I'll bet he only likes to //watch//", Asako jokes, as she turns around and begins gyrating her hips.
Asako laughs as she spanks herself, during her little dance.
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[[Continue->Continue4-09]]Maika holds back a laugh and admonishes Asako.
"Asako, stop it, haha", Maika laughs as she gives her a little kick in the bum.
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[[Continue->Continue4-10]]"Looks like Asako's already had too much to drink", Samar jokes.
"See Maika? Asako can't be trusted to just sit and watch", Samar grins. "That's why I should've been the one to sit"
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[[Continue->Continue4-11]]"Silly Samar... you'll have all the time in the world to sit down and watch me play because I'm about to ''beat'' you", Maika says.
"Winner plays Asako, loser sits... remember", Maika reminds him.
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[[Continue->Continue4-12]]"This one's to win round 1", Maika warns as she prepares to serve.
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[[Continue->Continue4-13]]Maika fires a shot that bounces off of Samar's shoulder and away from the table, giving her the first round match win.
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[[Continue->Continue4-14]]Flinging her paddle to the table in celebration, Maika cheers her first time round victory over Samar.
Asako pops up off the couch and celebrates with her.
"You did it!!", Asako cheers. "You beat him!"
"I did!!", Maika cheers.
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[[Continue->Continue4-15]]"Hahaha, what happened Samar??", Asako laughs at him.
"Yeah Samar, I thought I didn't have a chance?", Maika teases. "Didn't you say I couldn't even beat you in a single round?"
Downplaying his loss, Samar says, "Come on girls, it's just 1 round.. let's calm down a little".
"Hahaha, no way!", Maika says with a laugh.
"Come on, come on, let's get ready for the 2nd round", Samar says, now eager to continue playing.
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[[Continue->Continue4-16]]"Hey buddy", Timothy says to Samar, who turns around to greet him.
"Hi Tim, were just about to do a second round of ping pong", Samar explains. "Did you want to join us?"
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[[Continue->Continue4-17]]"Nah, I'm good thanks", Timothy declines. "My plans with Will got cancelled and I was hoping I could use the spare time to get your help on the class project?"
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[[Continue->Continue4-18]]Kim waits for Samar to continue the story.
"... and?", she encourages him.
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[[Continue->Continue1-05]]"Are we out of time now?", Samar asks Kim.
"No...", Kim replies.
"Ah okay...", Samar says. "Well..."
"Samar, you don't have anything to be ashamed of with me", Kim reassures.
"I just feel bad for leaving Maika and Asako to go with Tim", Samar says. "I kind of left them hanging".
"Sounds like there's more to the story?", Kim asks.
"There is", Samar begins.
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[[Continue->Continue4-17-2]]"Welp. We lost him again", Asako says.
"Again", Maika says quietly.
"Aw, don't be sad, Maika", Asako says. "You were gonna have to lose to me after you beat him anyways!"
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[[Continue->Continue4-19]]"Alright... You're on, Asako", Maika says.
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[[Continue->Continue5-01]]"Maaan, that girl is so hot", Timothy tells Samar.
"Yeah? Who?", Samar replies, while still focusing on the computer. "You mean Lori?"
"What? No", Timothy laughs. "Lori's not even in the room dude"
"Sorry, I'm focused on reviewing what you sent me...", Samar says. "Did you.. not want to look at it too?"
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[[Continue->Continue5-02]]"Yeah, yeah.. of course", Timothy replies, heading to look at the screen with Samar. "So, how's it look?"
"Well... to be honest, there's not a whole lot here", Samar says. "And what I do see, looks like it'll need to be re-worked".
Concerned, Timothy asks, "You mean, like.. re-done?".
"Pretty much", Samar confirms.
"So... do you think you can help me with that?", Timothy asks.
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[[Continue->Continue5-03]]"I can ''help'' you with this...", Samar says. "It's not going to help much if you're over there and I'm here doing it alone though"
"Oh for sure, I get it man", Timothy replies. "Let's work through it together. I really appreciate this"
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[[Continue->Continue5-04]]"Hey, Timmy!", William says as he enters the room.
"Will!", Timothy exclaims. "You're back! What's up my man!"
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[[Continue->Continue5-05]]"They're still going... it's back on", William explains. "It was my fault, I mixed up the dates and thought they cancelled today"
"You still in?", he asks Timothy.
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[[Continue->Continue5-06]]"Hell yeah, I'm still down to go!", Timothy replies excitedly. "I mean.. you don't mind if we take off, right Samar?"
"No, go ahead", Samar says.
"Great! I'd invite you along, but we didn't plan for one more to come originally", Timothy explains. "Sorry man, I'll catch you later".
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[[Continue->Continue5-07]]"No problem", Samar says quietly as they walk away.
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[[Continue->Continue1-000]]"And that's what I've been telling everyone... No problem", Samar says to Kim.
"But obviously, it's becoming a problem, or I wouldn't be here", he admits.
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[[Continue->Continue1-07]]"You were half-joking when you gave 'Asako' as the answer to my question earlier about what you find stressful", Kim says. "But I get the sense that Asako isn't the problem at all"
"Exactly", Samar confirms. "Asako is only short-term stress, even at her worst. Never long-term stress"
"And Maika is no stress at all... quite the opposite, in fact", Samar continues.
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[[Continue->Continue1-08]]"Samar, what I'm seeing is that because Maika and Asako are your oldest friends, you're most comfortable with them", Kim explains. "That means, you're comfortable saying yes, but you're also comfortable saying no to them".
"They know you and they care about you, so they know how far to push you, or when not to push you", Kim continues.
"It's when people outside your comfort zone approach you that you seem to have difficulty"
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[[Continue->Continue1-09]]"It's true.. Timothy is a friend, but he's not a //close// friend", Samar says. "And William, I don't interact much with"
"I told that story because I think it shows how I feel pulled in different directions here... and sometimes I feel like I'm going the wrong way", Samar explains.
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[[Continue->Continue1-10]]"Samar, you strike me as being a pleaser", Kim says. "But you need to accept that you can't please //everyone// at once".
"While I can't make the decision for you, I do think you need to decide to say 'no' sometimes", Kim continues. "It may ruffle some feathers, but if they're really your friend, then they'll understand and respect it".
"So, between now and our next session I want you to follow your instinct and say 'no' when you feel like you're going in too many different directions", Kim suggests. "Can you do that?"
"Absolutely Kim, I'll try my best and let you know how it goes", Samar replies, adding a "thank you" before leaving"
"Good luck Samar", Kim adds.
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